Monday, March 21, 2016

Grief------Healing After Losing A Loved One



Grief-------Healing After Losing a Loved One......... By Death.......



As we all know that when we lose someone very close and dear to us there is a process that we all go through....... Some of the process that we deal with is the main question WHY??????? did they have to leave so soon.....they didn't deserve this at all......WHY GOD?????????.....whether it is by tragic death or natural death............

 I can remember like it was yesterday when both my parents went to be with the Lord....our Daddy 1/3/96 and our Mother 4/2/05......what was that like to process when our Daddy passed..........well I was 22 years old, my sister was 23 years old and our little brother was 14 years old so you could imagine how much harder it was for my little brother......this was very tough for us as we were a very close family.......and I just really couldn't imagine life without my favorite guy my Daddy........and in the matter of seconds I became the one to have to make decisions that I didn't ever imagine of making......whewwwwwwwwww I really went through......picking out the coffin was like reality....I was like the bed has to be soft....like really was he really going to know (lol).....but it was so important......I was very spoiled probably more spoiled than the rest of the siblings.....so I'm going to stick to that story.....so go down the line to when our mother passed I was 32 years old and it was my birthday month in which she always made soooooooooo special for me.....my sister was 33 years old and my little brother was 24 years old......but for real my brother was her favorite because growing up whenever you saw Ma you saw him....Lord have mercy....I used to say girllllllllllllll y'all going to be something else when he gets older and I was right....(lol)....I was truly grateful that I was in a better place SPIRITUALLY when my Mom passed because as we were all at Byron Manor and she was transitioning....I did what I was taught to do PRAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY..........surely we miss our Mommy and Daddy a lot....and we still have those moments....but we decided not to let that control our everyday life.......

Don't let the person that you loved the most or any other loved ones passing take control over your life.....Lean on GOD to help you get through....take the time and meditate on HIS Word.....you will not be disappointed......they would not want you to not go on living a productive and joyous life...........I know it seems tough.....but guess what??????------WE WIN.........

These are just a couple of things that people will do to try and cope with their grief----------
There are many steps to grieving.........and I've surely seen a few of them...............Drinking,
Promiscuity and Drugs.......in which these things will bring you more harm than good.....so deal with whatever you are experiencing because you lost a loved one......always seek help and don't say you are fine...................    






STEPS TO GRIEVING AND RECOVERY-----
(*Note that you may experience these in different order)

DENIAL Denial is one stage of grief. It helps us to survive the loss. In this stage, the world becomes meaningless and overwhelming. Life makes no sense. We are in a state of shock and denial. We go numb. We wonder how we can go on, if we can go on, why we should go on. We try to find a way to simply get through each day. Denial and shock help us to cope and make survival possible. Denial helps us to pace our feelings of grief. There is a grace in denial. It is nature’s way of letting in only as much as we can handle. As you accept the reality of the loss and start to ask yourself questions, you are unknowingly beginning the healing process. You are becoming stronger, and the denial is beginning to fade. But as you proceed, all the feelings you were denying begin to surface.

ANGER Anger is a necessary stage of the healing process. Be willing to feel your anger, even though it may seem endless. The more you truly feel it, the more it will begin to dissipate and the more you will heal. There are many other emotions under the anger and you will get to them in time, but anger is the emotion we are most used to managing. The truth is that anger has no limits. It can extend not only to your friends, the doctors, your family, yourself and your loved one who died, but also to God. You may ask, “Where is God in this? Underneath anger is pain, your pain. It is natural to feel deserted and abandoned, but we live in a society that fears anger. Anger is strength and it can be an anchor, giving temporary structure to the nothingness of loss. At first grief feels like being lost at sea: no connection to anything. Then you get angry at someone, maybe a person who didn’t attend the funeral, maybe a person who isn’t around, maybe a person who is different now that your loved one has died. Suddenly you have a structure – – your anger toward them. The anger becomes a bridge over the open sea, a connection from you to them. It is something to hold onto; and a connection made from the strength of anger feels better than nothing.We usually know more about suppressing anger than feeling it. The anger is just another indication of the intensity of your love.

BARGAINING Before a loss, it seems like you will do anything if only your loved one would be spared. “Please God, ” you bargain, “I will never be angry at my wife again if you’ll just let her live.” After a loss, bargaining may take the form of a temporary truce. “What if I devote the rest of my life to helping others. Then can I wake up and realize this has all been a bad dream?” We become lost in a maze of “If only…” or “What if…” statements. We want life returned to what is was; we want our loved one restored. We want to go back in time: find the tumor sooner, recognize the illness more quickly, stop the accident from happening…if only, if only, if only. Guilt is often bargaining's companion. The “if onlys” cause us to find fault in ourselves and what we “think” we could have done differently. We may even bargain with the pain. We will do anything not to feel the pain of this loss. We remain in the past, trying to negotiate our way out of the hurt. People often think of the stages as lasting weeks or months. They forget that the stages are responses to feelings that can last for minutes or hours as we flip in and out of one and then another. We do not enter and leave each individual stage in a linear fashion. We may feel one, then another and back again to the first one.

DEPRESSION After bargaining, our attention moves squarely into the present. Empty feelings present themselves, and grief enters our lives on a deeper level, deeper than we ever imagined. This depressive stage feels as though it will last forever. It’s important to understand that this depression is not a sign of mental illness. It is the appropriate response to a great loss. We withdraw from life, left in a fog of intense sadness, wondering, perhaps, if there is any point in going on alone? Why go on at all? Depression after a loss is too often seen as unnatural: a state to be fixed, something to snap out of. The first question to ask yourself is whether or not the situation you’re in is actually depressing. The loss of a loved one is a very depressing situation, and depression is a normal and appropriate response. To not experience depression after a loved one dies would be unusual. When a loss fully settles in your soul, the realization that your loved one didn’t get better this time and is not coming back is understandably depressing. If grief is a process of healing, then depression is one of the many necessary steps along the way.

ACCEPTANCE Acceptance is often confused with the notion of being “all right” or “OK” with what has happened. This is not the case. Most people don’t ever feel OK or all right about the loss of a loved one. This stage is about accepting the reality that our loved one is physically gone and recognizing that this new reality is the permanent reality. We will never like this reality or make it OK, but eventually we accept it. We learn to live with it. It is the new norm with which we must learn to live. We must try to live now in a world where our loved one is missing. In resisting this new norm, at first many people want to maintain life as it was before a loved one died. In time, through bits and pieces of acceptance, however, we see that we cannot maintain the past intact. It has been forever changed and we must readjust. We must learn to reorganize roles, re-assign them to others or take them on ourselves. Finding acceptance may be just having more good days than bad ones. As we begin to live again and enjoy our life, we often feel that in doing so, we are betraying our loved one. We can never replace what has been lost, but we can make new connections, new meaningful relationships, new inter-dependencies. Instead of denying our feelings, we listen to our needs; we move, we change, we grow, we evolve. We may start to reach out to others and become involved in their lives. We invest in our friendships and in our relationship with ourselves. We begin to live again, but we cannot do so until we have given grief its time.

THE UPWARD TURN As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly. 

RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her. 


 Just sit back and relax and meditate on these beautiful words......GOD HEARS YOUR CRY




Here are some scriptures to help you get through:

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 ------ I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles......

2 Corinthians 5:18-19------And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.........

Zephaniah - 3:17------And I rejoice over you with singing....... 






Check out her blog......she has some wonderful tips on being VICTORIOUS 
during your Grieving Process......


SO AT THE END OF THE DAY.....LET'S ALL PRAY FOR ONE ANOTHER......STAND IN THE GAP......STAND STRONG......BE YOUR BROTHER'S AND SISTER'S KEEPER.............MOVING MOUNTAINS 2016
 
Many Blessings and Love,
LeVette
Mz. Kiwi's Blog